24 (an hour a piece of paper)

saya terlepas hari penting dalam tahun ini.
satu jam untuk sehelai mukasurat komik.
(tahun lepas pun saya terlepas , time rock the world, kerja dtp, dan rantai group...)

2 tahun saya membelakangi mimpi.

it took me 2 days of replacement.

dan ditakdirkan saya tak siap a page an hour, i had to do it again and again....


yang orang sebut cruel world w/o a date to,... had to say bye.

this is pleasure, anyway, in lone boredome.


* Listening to: "Lurch" - Dillinger Escape Plan
* Reading: "Manners of Dying" - Yann Martel
* Eating: cucur bilis

bauhausterenggan

yes, you read it right.
no letter 'u' in the end of the subject.
plus, kalau type terenggan di google ia akan balik kembali kepada terengganu, so who care?
(sebenarnya ketika ingin menulis terengganu, ruang untuk 'u' sudah tidak mencukupi.)
that's the idea i had for my screenplay that will be adapt into theater play sekembalinya saya ke terengganu , kemungkinan pertengahan tahun hadapan. Sayd Punk dan teamnya akan membantu saya.
ada beberapa sketch yang saya buat hasil lawatan intensif ke library UiTM PTAR1, selepas membaca naskah Art Chantry, untuk rekaan poster teater dan t-shirt.

Penyu Mengamok di Pasor Garib, Beghambat Lembu, some of the working titles.

di telinga saya terpasang "Dreams" , persembahan live TV On The Radio bersama Peter Murphy dan Trent Reznor yang sudah pasti saya akan putar untuk radio show Alternation, hujung tahun ini.

saya akan contact Munk dan Malik untuk projek Telemong yang bakal jadi skor muzik teater.

itu harapan saya sekarang selain proses kreatif yang tak terpadam setiap hari. ouh, saya nak pinjam buku di library tapi tak ada id pelajar, dah expired. ada sesiapa boleh bantu?

sekian, wassalam

* Listening to: 'Dreams' by TV On The Radio
* Reading: 'The Facts behind Helsinki Roccamatios'
* Eating: Nasik Lemak Ayam Berempah Sect 17
* Drinking: Indo cafe buatan sendiri (sedap , kata Maman)

Ramadhan Eid 1428

Assalamualaikum,Salam Ramadhan & Aidilfitri 1428,
Saya hampir tak balik raya di Terengganu tahun ni. Mula2 ingat nak kerja je di Shah Alam masa raya, without anyone. Then people came to me. They said, "balik raya kampung aku lah kalau camtu." They keep wonder ... kenapa saya tak balik.
"Takper lah, puasa tu yang penting. Raya tu tak sangat. Taknak lah puasa hancur, tapi beria-ia nak raya....." Saya sebenarnya merujuk kepada banyak orang dalam rumah tu. Tapi saya tak boleh cakap. Nanti 'kena usir' .... macam AR Tompel cakap.
...... setahun saya tak balik Terengganu. Baru setahun....
Puasa tahun ni, time berbuka ... masa saya banyak di rumah, since i cook. Kalau tahun lepas, mesti sangkut ketika perjalanan pulang ke rumah, which is sad.

But most of all, tahun ni I lost many thing. All my properties, my precious thing. Dah tak ada apa dah...
Tawar hati nak beraya.
Tak apa , puasa tu yang lebih penting.
... dan kerana itu juga tahun ini , tiada kad puasa atau kad raya dalam bentuk digital dari saya, tapi yang pasti saya akan bantu ayahanda dan bonda saya menyiapkan tempahan laksa orang2 kampung yang nak beraya sakan tahun ni. Ayahanda nak buat jugak laksa, walaupun tak berapa sihat.... Warisan keluarga. Tanggungjawab seorang anak.
Jadi saya ulang balik, salam Ramadhan & Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir dan batin. Jemput semua ke rumah ayahanda bonda di Kuala Terengganu. Lepas tu boleh pergi Pantai Batu Buruk.
wassalam,
Ahmad Nazri Ngah, blitzenius, Nazri Ahmadeus1356-D, Kg Nibung,Panji Alam,21100, K Terengganu,Terengganu.017-3181794

novel based

yesterday kan, dear,... something hit me. novel based movie & terry gilliam (kat Borders). ingat nak cari suma filem Terry Gilliam. Fear & Loathing (based on Hunter S Thompson novel), Brazil, 12 Monkeys, Brothers Grimm (yes, we stumble upon the book kat Kinokuninya), even.... Tideland.
and Peter Selllers playing Dr Strangelove (lagu DM),... Kubrick.

kalau awak tak paham apa saya kata,... cuba tengok filem "Must love Dogs",.... bila Diane Lane refer John Cusack as " tak paham apa pun yang dia kata,... but i like him anyway."

that way.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil! that's from a book too!

saya macam nak tau apa benda belakang DVD V For Vendetta tu. macam snippet graphic novel dia je...

ben procter

semalam , got a package from United International Pictures.
Transformers limited t shirt. movie tix.
4th place in Transformers drawing contest.
not bad untuk orang yang tak pernah menang art contest nearly a decade.
this is for Ben Procter and his Nokia Bot, inspirasi saya ketika menghasilkan Montor (after monitor), that was based on oldskool Game Boy. yeah it can transform into Game Boy, oh joy!

i'll post a picture soon, here or maybe in LiveJournal. (as i said i want here to be plain text.)


on my previous post ,... somebody ask me what i'm trying to prove on the post about cinema. here's an answer:

nah, just rambling..

masa tulis tu, relate dengan cinema experience aku kat terengganu, so i just point it out. for fun sake.

if i wasnt really answering the topic, saya cuba mengenang kembali , all good cinema years in terengganu.

korang takleh salahkan sesiapa pun, terengganu bukan lubuk pelabur dalam soal entertainment. membeli reel wayang esp. imported costs alot. apa lagi membina semula panggung. you gotta deal with reasonable ticket price, yan berbaloi dengan kedatangan audience. in 1994, harga dia RM3.50, it's not gonna be the same. bising dulu bila ada kedai letak harga milo ping macam kena bedil.

memberi entertainment di terengganu, you gotta deal too with pemikir radikal dan polis moral.

a year ago, badan kerajaan gila meletakkan seseorang yang baru menang realiti show sebagai pemimpin belia, bukan local new breed of ben pocter. kelakar.

in the end, anda melihat terengganu sebagai lokasi summer vacation, bila orang luar nak pergi ke redang, sedang saya sendiri pun tak ke pulau. saya kena tolong ayahanda bonda saya di bangsal.

(but recently, they said, there will be 3 cinema in a shopping mall in KT,.... late..)

waste me a.k.a would you buy a virgin holding a cable tv remote control?

wasted talent. even you dont believe in talent as well i. how about the gift?
the curse you said.

perfect catch. a lot like love. dream for an insomniac. fever pitch. a long way down.

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life and love shouldn't be one of them." ~ Frankie "See. We could be best friends, but we'd still have lust in our eyes." ~Frankie "I'm going to circumnavigate his soul until he's anchored on all sides by my love." ~Frankie

Cinema Paradiso di Terengganu (with questioanire)

(to our Transformers movie experience, July 16th, Monday...)

what if terengganu ada cinema (balik. yes, we did have before. 2, precisely.)

...but the thing is, kalau panggung wayang ada di kuala terengganu, aku tak berjalan keluar terengganu.
but i think it's good terengganu takder panggung. kalau tak sampai ke cerah lah saya jadi slacker, menulis tentang 'kelewatan 3 bulan' menerima pakej summer blockbuster di group macam friendster ni atau blog, atau magazine. sebab biasanya 3 bulan diambil untuk official dvd. (saya masih insan dengan popcorn di couch rumah sendiri,.... tapi geram jugak la dengar cerita cinema experience orang lain...)
kekurangan buat kita seek for something, it make us move. ia buat kita lupa tentang kampung sendiri for a week. it make us elsewhere in the universe. i mean, c'mon, baru berapa hari lepas aku ambik sample comic DC/Vertigo kat Kinokuniya, share it with devoted girlfriend. saya boleh berlari di shopping mall dengan ritual cookie-testing. dekat K Terengganu? payah sikit la. tapi takper , bulan puasa saya boleh balik kampung. saya boleh melihat cermin transparent ketika seorang Canadian bertanya bertubi-tubi di conference luar Terengganu.
movie is not about you sit in a room think about what you can make in the box, w/o moving out, ie: life. but it's about move out , get a life.
so, tell me. bila masa anda dapat pengalaman Akira Kurosawa di Kuala Terengganu. ah, i know what u want to say, i could make it.
make it at Machang.


REX cinema photo from : http://warisantrengganu.wordpress.com

rebekkah

di sebuah taman kawasan perumahan Kota Damansara, with all the kids playing around. saya memegang cetakan tentang Sea Beast, Moby Dick, Sludge,... beberapa perkara dari Wikipedia dan sebuah jilid Neil Gaiman. selama rambut saya panjang macam sekarang, saya tak pernah ikat dengan propper. tak macam masa di Kuala Terengganu dulu. at the same time, i still feel 16.

anda nampak masa depan anda dengan saya di sini? no. (jika anda ni 'jenih' yang berharap sangat). lepas tu orang bagitau aku. "you're the man, you should protect." then jawapannya, f**k off. keras bunyinya. bukannya sebab aku tak pikir langsung, but at this moment, jika anda melihat poster filem terbaru micheal bay, bertentangan dengan perkataan 'protect' ialah 'destroy'. saya kuat sifat 'decepticon'nya, kerana tiada dalam sejarah animasi, antagonist diberi visual yang lebih cool, terlalu cool berbanding protagonist. in this case, with starscream, i cant say a word. even micheal bay memakai t-shirt dengan insignia decepticon. jangan kata saya tak beri clue.

kembali ke taman, saya di sebuah jongkang jongket, bersama princess adriana yasmin. she seems pleased to have me. kemudian dia melihat seorang bayi perempuan besar berbangsa swedish yang hampir tak nampak rambutnya di buaian. kata yasmin, bayi itu gelakkan saya. no, .... dia tersengih kat semua orang. masakan si bayi itu boleh suka dengan black wearing, untidy hair, mean and menacing as starscream as me? tak berapa jauh di buaian taman ialah ibu si bayi itu, dan ibunda si yasmin, Kak Saliza. they have discussion. si ibu Swedish itu melihat saya, pertama kali dengan yasmin di taman. seperti tak percaya yasmin boleh klik dengan saya.

"Nazri, that boy. he look different than the girl, and all your boys," kata si ibu Swedish kepada Kak Saliza, merujuk kepada perbezaan saya dengan Yasmin, dan anak-anak sedara saya yang lain.

Kemudian dia menambah, "...he need a friend,... to change him. why dont i'll introduce him to Rebekkah?"

You mean, i never got a friend? And I cant have one by myself? (Diskusi ini kemudian di sambung di blog frriendster, antara saya dan Kak Saliza).

at this moment, i dont know what playing thru this Swedish mother, in her mind. tapi yang saya tau, di Sweden, sudah lebih 10 tahun Arch Enemy melancarkan brand music melodic death metal dan perkataan seperti 'polyrhythm 7/4' dari Meshuggah telah establish dalam kepala saya sejak sekian lama. maksudnya,... i am no different.

rebekkah yang mahu diperkenalkannya, berpixel besar. saya nak beritahu Kak Saliza, "apa gunanya memperkenalkan saya with that Swedish chick , jika pengakhirannya , kami saling berbunuhan sesama sendiri?" i'm talking about visceral happiness yang kononnya wujud tapi tak kunjung tiba.

saya boleh panjangkan tentang 'get hit',... but i guess,... some other time. mungkin saya dah pernah bercerita (.... again, see blog friendster).

and then we met. me , rebekkah.

anda boleh bayangkan,... black ink collide with pink flower power, but not pschyedelic. not stone.

and girl is about sugar.

we just walk, and slowly i whisper to her:

"before you come up with any conclusion, let me tell you that i am 'rock', hard as rock. i have friend, named maya. she's rock too, she got tattoo on her chest. she can beat you any time, punch you in your face, kick your serious ass. she can tell you a thing or two about in flames so that, you can tell your mother to rediscover Gothenburg before she think about anyone else outside her kampung. am i clear? life is worth a living. i know that. yeah, anything but this..."

sebarang kata-kata dari rebekkah selepas itu bersifat imaginary, dan anda boleh bayangkan sendiri.

but, one thing. kalau dia dapat beri satu perkataan yang pernah disebut Rob Gordon dalam High Fidelity, about what she had, he hadnt. then she can change me any time, and i can be a ridicul idiot, any time. seperti permintaan Faustian.

RE: Ayat Paling Touching Korang Penah Dengar

{Previously on VirtualfFriends}

"it feels like,... . you're not exist."
kalau tak touching takkan la orang tu anggap dia 'mati' dalam hidup aku like , fornever.

tapi ayat betul dia: "we are not exist, unto each other. but the phone line. "


Posted On: Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:43:27 AM

Dream Brother from
Jeff Buckley, album : So Real: Songs From Jeff Buckley

HAHAHA! FLOOD! FLOOD! FLOOD! /TIMER FOOD #, AKULAH GANAH KALI, AHAHAHAH! SAPE NOK LAWANG FLOOD NGE AKU? ! !

Mr. 'Miss You Love' : Ko tak tau, Tham erti rindu.
The Most Impassioned Ugly People : Ko plak tak tau erti DERITA!!!!!!
Sunday, May 04, 2003

{nota : perkara yang paling pasti di sini ialah title di atas ialah satu perkara yang agak prominent ketika era 2000-2004. saya tak pasti saya jumpa di mana, ia mungkin dimualakan rakan2 Askor Team. Optimis bunyinya. Hell, yeah....)

you gimme an idea, of complete lies, and lies and lies...

anthony swooford ketika krisis minyak, berada di iraq. 1991.
bersama rakan2 perajurit, salah seorang dari mereka menerima pakej dari kampung halaman, US. dihantar oleh isteri, yang tanpa disedari mereka sebenarnya rakaman perlakuan curang isteri ini dengan seorang jiran.
reaksi bercampur,.... tetapi didominasi kekecewaan seluruh bilik tayangan video.
ketika yang lain keluar kerana tak tahan dengan permainan dunia, anthony masih di kerusinya.
"saya nak tengok video tu. saya nak rasa dicurangi di depan mata..."
jadi lengkaplah derita neurosis saya selama sebulan. saya duduk di kerusi saya, dengan kemungkinan bankrap sebelum menjengah 20 jun, dan mati kebulur, sambil melihat dia stripped naked, kissing someone else after shower, a phone call of denial sort of.
she gave me an idea to giving someone else a complete biography of lies, of my burnout, about going mental when i'm coming quarter century.
mungkin itu balasannya, of your parents too going mental around you. (dude, did i said this happen twice?). mungkin datang bala yang lebih besar.

but as always, i wont play God.

Re: ader aper dengan kampung korang?

{Previously on Friendster}

Re: ader aper dengan kampung korang??? [post #3429418 is a reply to post #3053877 ]
toLocaleString(1177782232,"1177782232");
Sun, 04/29/07 01:43 AM

Kampung saya ada polis moral, yang tak tau beza antara 'budak ponteng sekolah' dengan 'orang tua yang dah lama tak skolah tapi suka bawak backpack sebab suka bawak magazine Decibel + IdN + sketchbook'.

'Orang tua.... ' yang dimaksudkan ialah saya. polis moral itu membawa kapcai. suka lalu lalang berceramah tentang perihal "pegilah sekolah menimba ilmu dan janganlah pedulikan aku yang suka bawak moto ni sebab aku terlebih masa terluang".

Kampung itu, ialah Kampung Nibung,... betul2 dekat skolah panji alam.itu pun berjamang dulu masa aku tunggu bas depan skolah.

Aku rasa dah takder bas dah kat Terengganu.

KTKTK : Bargain that wasn't there

{Previously in Friendster Re: TEMPAT SHOPPING KAT KTKTK Mon, 04/30/07 12:43 AM }

Aku cerita benda yang aku ingat dulu2 la, perihal shopping kat terengganu,... hok aku cerita ni mungkin dop relevan doh sekarang, sebab buleh kata aku 2 tahun doh dop duduk terengganu.

tempat cari bahan bacaan :
Pustaka Seri Intan. dulu selalu beli Alternative Press, Rolling Stone kat sini + Surface sekali, Revolver sekali, tapi stop sebab mahal sangat ,... when u can have it in KL cheaper. dulu aku buleh belanja kat sini sebulan approximately lebih dari RM100. the worst thing it affect my salary,... tolak itu ini, i'll never be a proud parent. so, ada masa aku datang sini window shopping je,.... sampai la yang jaga kedai sound aku cakap, aku tak pernah beli. tapi datang nak baca je, bos dia marah... ok, that's it! this is the end! to think again, masih banyak benda yang kurang kat kedai PSI. even sebuah kedai MPH yang simple di KL, can have many thing. kat sini pun takder IdN, comic siri Vertigo jauh sekali (sampai aku mimpi ada kedai comic vintage kat basement di tapak panggung Cathay lama,... sebab rindu sangat nak shopping kat Mind Shop, KL Plaza dulu2...). more power to internet library, I guess,.... and your own bedroom. {year active, 2000 - 2005}

Kampung Cina : Sini best kalau nak cari magazine imported HK je, atau comic,... macam Milk, satu art magazine HK yang tebal tapi interesting,... it's a great bargain at the time,... until currency ruined. sini pun tempat yang best untuk buat photography, Nasir selalu pegi. {year active, 2003 - 2005}

Record store :
Kanna Music Shop: Kedai ni cuma best ketika era alternative nation je, from 1995 till end of the last century. probably to the fact mp3 takeover. Plus kedai ni tak banyak title yang menarik, takder banyak bargain,.... tapi member aku pernah la beli kaset Bjork kat sini , sebab orang tak beli pun, dated 1997, dapat la RM10. ada gak kaset Yeah Yeah Yeahs murah... dulu aku cari koleksi NIN aku kat sini , dalam bentuk kaset. satu lagi kedai kaset depan Kanna , has this nice collection, even better,... kalau korang order dari diorang. but I guess , these year has put these stores to an end, to the fact that kedai2 ni hidup sebab koleksi VCD/DVD yang extensive je. but not for music. {year active 1996-2001}

clothing:
bundle pantai Batu Buruk : kawan saya jumpa t-shirt vintage Akira for 5 bucks,... that was 2002. Saya dah lama tak pegi sini. kalau vintage clothing skang ni, saya pesan secara personal dari kwn terdekat, i they have some great NIN tees,... Heavy Metal comic mag tees,... at the moment I'm looking for Mastodon tees, which I think,... takder kat Terengganu. {year active 2000-2003}

Bandar Kuala Terengganu, quite dead sejak penutupan 2 panggung wayang, Rex dan Cathay, that actually has nothing to do with politics,.. that was a decade ago. masa saya kat Terengganu, sumber saya selalunya kawan2 yang balik ke Terengganu, ataupun package yang posmen hantar. Joe Kidd dalam radio show Alternation di TraxxFM khamis lepas pun ada beritahu, exposure dia untuk music sekitar lewat 70'an banyak dari page swap, dari kawan2 pena kat semenanjung. itu ketika era sebelum internet...so, i guess now, more power to internet.

RE: kenapa ramai WANITA yang memandu KERETA??

{previously in Virtualfriends)

"Here in my car. I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It's the only way to live, in cars. I can only receive. I can listen to you. It keeps me stable for days, in cars... "
Gary Numan, Cars.

Lagu di atas tu ditulis oleh Gary Numan selepas kejadian mak dia hampir dirompak di luar rumah. Kereta si Gary menyelamatkan mak dia, bila mak dia lock suma pintu kereta. Ia juga memberi maksud, golongan wanita ini yang sering jadi ancaman di luar kediaman mereka, dan mereka hanya ada satu tempat untuk menyelamatkan diri mereka: di dalam kereta mereka, to say the least. Ia berbeza dengan golongan lelaki bersama motosikal mereka, kerana sifat rebel lelaki dapat dilihat dengan motosikal, ie: the speed of destruction, simplicity, the adrenaline rush,... Wanita tidak dilihat sebegitu dengan motosikal. They have to wait for their first car.

Gary menambah : "Here in my car (where) the image breaks down... " It's so true...

Coffee Shop Dream

{originally posted on Kubang Parade's Journal, 2003}

On my way to my workplace, kat Jalan Pejabat, KT, I met my comic books friend, Rizal on his way to send a few copies of CDs to his friend.

Ahmad Nazri : "Hor! Kat sini."

Rizal : "Hari ni bukan ke cuti? " ( Oh! Yeah! Hari ni Nuzul Qur'an. Satu Terengganu cuti.)

Ahmad Nazri : "Aku bukan kerja pejabat kerajaan."

Rizal pandang satu kedai.

Rizal : "Kalau dapat satu kedai macam tu kan bagus? Cafe. Dan live band."

Ahmad Nazri : "Aku dah lama dah pikir. Belah kiri cafe. Belah kanan comic + art books store. Dan accoustic live band. Yang main tu kawan-kawan kita. It's about having fun in the workplace. You can read your books while having a cup of tea."

Aku tak tau berapa kali Rizal ulang pasal coffee shop dream ni kat orang lain. Kekadang dengan Munk cakap pasal nak bukak kedai komik. Rizal dah tua dah. Angoh lagi lah tua. Angoh skang ni kat rumah pasal sangkut paper. Dah pakai tongkat baru nak grad. Mimpi kedai kopi tu boleh jadi realiti tapi aku takut Rizal tutup kedai tu tak sampai sebulan beroperasi sebab it's not about the right place and the right time. 5 tahun lagi? 10 tahun? Aku dah jadi bapak yang berdedikasi pada anak-anaknya lepas retired dan frustrated jadi frontman band industrial grind paling 'leceh' kat KT.

Rizal : "At least kawan kat luar KT ada tempat untuk hang out."

Ahmad Nazri : "Kita biasa hang out kat mana, huh, kalau kat sini?" (Kedai Nasik Dagang Mahmud, selepas bulatan Ladang...)

Tak dapat jawab soalan tu. Tapi jurnal yang sebelum ni aku dah bagi description. It's sacrificing. "Aku call mung!", ayat aku yang last sebelum kami seperate. Dan aku tengok office tempat aku kerja yang masih belum dibuka even time ni, dah masuk masa kerja. Aku tunggu. Sampai la pukul 10. Damn! Confirm cuti. Tak bagitau aku!!

airplay : "Bloodloss Cosmopolitan" - Glassjaw.Thursday, 131 103.

{nota: Rizal a.k.a Bros ialah rakan yang saya mula kenali ketika selalu keluar bersama band saya di Kuala Terengganu sekitar 2002-2003. Selepas berada di studio, kami sambung sesi keluar kami di sebuah skatepark di tengah bandar di mana Osman a.k.a Munk, rakan si pemain bass beraksi dengan ritual Dogtown-nya bersama Nurie dan beberapa rakan sepermainan. Rizal dikenali sebagai penyimpan koleksi komik tradepaperback yang murah hati (sebenarnya, ia adalah koleksi abangnya, yang juga melukis...). Murah hati sebab selalu pinjamkan saya koleksinya, di daerah bosan Terengganu. Selepas era skatepark dan band, kami sambung dengan sesi minum petang di hari Jumaat, di sebuah kedai nasik dagang di mana seorang rakan bernama Mahmud, berkerja, di mana kami disertai Angah, Malik, Munk, Jang Dugang dan beberapa lagi rakan yang dikenali kerana aktiviti band kami. Azulaimi ketika mula mengenali Rizal, menyebut Rizal sebagai seorang yang berbeza berbanding rakan-rakan yang dikenali di Terengganu. Mungkin kerana dia tidak kelihatan pretentious. Mungkin kerana ketika kami mula menerima sesuatu muzik, kami tak kisah sangat apa yang marhaen lain dengar. Mungkin kerana kami tidak bertelingkah sangat dalam soal ini. Mungkin kerana kami suka berbincang perihal yang berbeza berbanding umat-umat di Terengganu (jika di KL, ia jadi perkara yang biasa dan tak cool lagi...). Kali terakhir yang saya tau, Rizal sudahpun mendirikan rumah tangga. Dia jadi residen tetap di Terengganu kerana kerjanya yang menunutnya tinggal di ibu negeri. Jarang juga dia dilihat bersama kami minum petang di hari Jumaat, dan rakaman ceramah agama mula menjadi rakan berbanding rekod rock yang kami kongsi dahulu.

Still Bored : The Definitive Process Of Hang Out

{originally posted on Kubang Parade's Journal, 2003}

My name is Ahmad Nazri and coming this November 19 (as for year 2003), I am 22. Bila Encik Shamsul Othman @ http://web.archive.org/web/20040615071410/http://www.turismo78.cjb.net/ mula bercakap tentang bergantung luar atau hangout kat KT, it makes me think for awhile. Bagaimana prosesnya? Jadi aku buat demo bagaimana ia berjalan. Sebenarnya ia tak lancar sangat. Just like this:
Hari ni kebetulan ayah aku take a rest dari sebarang kerja so aku tak perlu tolong kerja dia. Aku mungkin boleh keluar lebih awal tapi aku mungkin akan hadapi keboasanan yang ultimate. Mana aku nak pergi? Ada 2 tempat jer. Tempat yang ada buku = bookstore, dan tempat yang ada line internet = cc Neonet. Jarak dari rumah aku ke bandar KT (pekan la sayang! Bandar ni macam makin mengecil jer...) sebenarnya ambik masa beberapa minit jer kalau kau naik motor atau kereta sendiri. Aku cari bas. Aku boleh saja telefon kawan aku, Munk ajak dia kluar, maknanya dia bawak skuter dia atau kereta ayah dia ambik aku kat rumah. Tapi aku tak nak bother dia lepas dia baru balik dari kursus. Dia perlukan rehat yang secukupnya. Jadi aku keluar sengsorang jer, since Fadzli ada kat KB dan abangnya Fauzi baru jer operate lutut. Aku berjalan dalam 2 ke 3 minit ke tempat bas selalu berhenti, di hadapan padang Sekolah Panji Alam. Aku bayangkan aku tunggu kat situ bermula 3:00pm, atau petang. Tapi kecelakaan berlaku bila bas yang aku tunggu ambik masa selama 1 jam lebih untuk sampai ke tempat yang aku tunggu tu. Lebih syahdu bila terdengar laungan azan asar dari surau yang berhampiran. Aku belek booklist dari Laurence King dan Thames yang baru sampai kat rumah aku tadi untuk bunuh keboasanan itu. Didn't work.
OK, that's it! Bas tu pun sampai. Yang aku tau bas ni buat 2 kerja. Selain dari lalu kat tempat aku, bas tu lalu ke daerah lain. Jadi gap masa untuk menunggu bas ni sebenarnya adalah 2 jam! Tambang bas ni 70 sen sebab bas ni bas mini. Kalau cari kereta sapu, aku perlu bayar seringgit jer tapi aku tak nampak sebarang kereta yang berhenti dekat aku untuk ambik penumpang. Bila bas tu sampai jer, aku buat perangai aku yang tak sabar-sabar nak naik bas sebab dah lama benar aku tanggung derita. Aku dah tak peduli benda lain selain mengharapkan bas tu terus sampai ke destinasi aku. Good! Aku ada company yang aman damai dan tak crowded sebab hari ni hari Ahad, dan di Terengganu hari Ahad adalah hari berkerja. Cuba kalau aku kluar semalam , iaitu hari Sabtu? Damn!
OK, bagus. Bas tu lalu on the way ke bookstore jadi aku hanya perlu berhenti kat situ dan tak perlu berhenti kat stesen bas dan menambahkan perjalanan. Turun jer, tanpa melihat kiri dan kanan kecuali time melintas jalan aku cari bahan bacaan yang sesuai dihadam oleh jiwa ini. Not good. I found nuthin' that keeps me quake! Seolah-olah aku buang masa aku ke bookstore ni (bookstore yang sama pernah sound aku sebab 'membaca sangat' tapi belinya tidak). Fikir untuk tidak mahu our dream end here, aku decide untuk switch ke Chinatown yang ada a few newstand yang interesting. Dalam perjalanan terjumpa Zam, drummer Nosferiel dan sebagai orang Melayu dan Islam yang penuh adab, kami bertegur sapa dan menghulurkan salam. Zam nampaknya tengah rushing, jadi kami pendekkan pertemuan kami kat situ jer. "Kat studio ada orang..."
Sampai kat Newstand kat Kampung Cina, aku ambik masa lama sikit berbanding kat bookstore tadi sebab dalam rak, banyak sangat magazine yang dah lama aku tak beli. Aku ambik satu jer. Bila dah bayar magazine tu, aku bayangkan journey aku dah abis kat situ so aku kena type summary yang panjang ni kat website aku, jadi aku kena cari cc. Cc yang terdekat ialah Neonet. Not good, Neonet tutup. Cc lain yang biasa aku pergi menyebabkan aku kena lalu kat Stesen bas KT, man, that's sucks! Aku sampai situ dalam pukul 5 something. Aku end up pakai PC sampai 2 jam, pasal banyak benda yang nak dibuat. Itu dah masuk plan dari rumah tadi.
OK, lepas tu? Aku bayangkan aku kluar pukul 7 dan tunggu bas balik yang hanya beroperasi pada pukul 8 something and that's sucks again! Banyak masa yang terbuang. Dan itu yang menyebabkan aku ambik masa dalam 15 hari untuk keluar balik pegi bandar KT untuk update bahan bacaan dan cyberactivity. Tapi perkara tu tak berlaku kalau aku bermusic dengan band aku, sebab transportation melimpah-ruah, daripada Munk ke Ayeng ke Azulaimi. So, this is our not good day. Aku tak singgah minum kat mana-mana kecuali Munk atau kawan-kawan aku yang lain ada kat satu kedai. Jadi anda bercakap tentang hangout. Nuthin' much but it's scarificing. Thanx for reading.

Sunday, 261 003, ktktk.

Masih Simpan Present Dari X-boyfriend @ X-girfriend Ke?

dari pos di laman web VirtualFriends
Posted By : Ellyn85 (MiSz, @rE' LyNn)

Assalamualaikum semua... nak tanya semua geng2 VF ni... yg mana pernah bercintalakan... sure pernah terima pemberian dr xbf @ xgf korangkan... . so bile dah xde paper feel n fair ni korang simpan lagi pemberian tu @ korang buang? dan kenapa korang buat cam tu erk? jomla kongsi2 kat sini k... nak tau gak apa yg korang buat ngan pemberian tukan!!!... .

Sat, 12 May 2007 02:06:46 PM

RE: Masih Simpan Present Dr Xbf @ Xgf Ke?
Saya tak pernah terima apa-apa dari girlfriend (...jika itu maksud anda). I always wish it's my favourite comic books , dalam bentuk trade paperback, like the one from Ashley Wood - "Lore", or Dave McKean - "Cages", atau artbook Kent Williams - "Sparrow". Sejak 7 tahun lepas saya berharap,... but nothing's happen. Tapi saya selalu hadiahkan birthday card dengan original artwork saya (saya draw sendiri... . i'm not fancy with 'kad yang dah siap'... it's not me), with mixed tape or doll. selalunya, it became the last gift i gave her, sebab lepas saya bagi hadiah tu, we broke up. That's fate.

My Top 5 that didn't hit well (and i never made this)

(Nota : Dari 'pos tersembunyi' di laman Yahoo's 360


Depeche Mode , Tori Amos, Snot, Bjork, Glassjaw

So, these are my 'top 5 things' I found while i re-open my Yahoo music launch again. 4 out of 5, i don't think i'm all excited about Snot nowadays. They're kinda like ,.... one shot for me. They came out with only one studio release with the late singer Lynn Strait, and i remember this one compilation that people might consider as 2nd Snot album that featured all top nu-metal related singer by year 2000, pave homage to Lynn. I don't know how this thing really going, but whenever i open my Yahoo launchcast, they always had Snot song, most probably "Absent", but if I had to choose, my favourite track is "Stoopid" (I remember the music video with this one person hang around, and people look at him with displeasure. that's something...)
As for Glassjaw, I hope Daryl and co. going back to studio again, but I guess that's not going to happen as Daryl now is htting thing with Head Automatica. It's almost the same situation that happen when Chino came out with Team Sleep and in Revolver magazine it said that they almost folded because of this freelance work. But then they come out with Saturday Night Wrist, better than the last album, .... almost the same par with White Pony. (But not remarkable...)
But the thing with Glassjaw is it's already 2nd album by Head Automatica, and there's still no light of their reunion album (yes, they call it quit before, but there's some re_join gig early this year).
Afterall, you can never trust this top 5. Every one of 4, had a contradiction to what you belies on your listening. My first encounter lasy year is the worst. only 2 out of 5 really stick with me, as I wrote it below on my first commentary: "Mudvayne, A Perfect Circle, Chimaira, Stone Temple Pilots, and Jewel. That's my top 5 rated music listed on my station when i start this message. Out of Chimaira and APC, I'm not sure if I like to put Mudvayne ahead. Jewel music I listen to now is the old tracks, one I remembered is with that Standing Still song while STP is dead. If I could replace those 3, I'll go for Tori Amos, Nine Inch Nails and Tool. Definitely! My only hope is the new CD by Tool that might come out next year (rock really hard). "

Saturday November 25, 2006 - 02:57am (PST)

one poem, one rambling in 2002 or three

RUGS
For some purpose, I hate to get the fuck out of home.
I rather do my empty decoration.
I rather stay healthy at home. I rather starve at home because I'm more starving out there.
For some reason, I need friends at home, not out there.
I rather left a note to you,

Send me books.It's better to read something than left something.
Behind.
This is better than evrtn, they say.
I admit, or must I?
There's still a lot of sad thing out there.
So, bring me the impressionist calendar. Bring me double A's and generator.
Because thing that matter is an eye ache and a torn.
Imprint. Not in screen.
Love my eyes, love you and hate you some more.
Because I don't have a thing, just have nothing.
You're not mine; you're not a thing unless it was on fire.

Hey, do I have a rug?

'Sadness' day, August 14th, 2002

SPIDER
Spider tu kecik tapi bisa mengeluarkan jaringan yang unpredictable. Time tu my bike has lost and I need to get it back. My dad gimme a few bucks, and I end up to use it for my chocolate bar + cake, and that's cost 7 dollar ++. Sick! Mahal gila.

(Maknanya, in reality, aku boros sangat, tak pandai budget langsung). I took the bike in rainy dau, then witness my 3/4 brain's friend driving his car beside his dad, while I'm all wet. Man, that pissed me!!

Semasa jumpa labah-labah tu, aku jumpa 3 maskot yang style-style maskot KFC but in front of Pizza Hut. What freak me, tak silap aku, Pizza Hut takder maskot. Mereka ber-3 dalam keadaan di mana premis pizza tu dalam kejatuhan.

And the spiders,... dia tak merbahaya, tapi still feel uncomfortable. It's weird color of webbing. Jaringannya pelik. Feel like this place getting older.

PUBLICATION YEAR

"Raya-raya kena insult jugak, kan?"

Macam mana tu ?

"Since kolej bercuti 2 bulan 24 hari, mesti orang tua tu suruh kita cari kerja. Kau boleh dengar sendiri time abang-abang kau balik raya, how they react bila tau kau lepak selama 2 bulan 24 hari tanpa buat apa-apa. Dalam hati menyumpah-seranah, kenapa la ada makhluk macam kau yang kerjanya menyusahkan orang tua, harapkan dia orang secara total tanggung kau." Dia orang mana tau yang aku memang kerja. "

Aik! Tak nampak pun ?

"Ha! Tu la pasal, aku ada sistem! Tapi malangnya, untuk menjelaskan sistem itu kepada mereka adalah amat neraka sekali!! "

Aku rasa ramai rakan sekolej yang ambik peluang cuti panjang yang lepas (1hb Oktober - 23/24hb Disember 2002) dengan cari duit. Cara bagaimana dia orang cari duit tu aku tak peduli langsung. Tapi frasa yang keluar kat kepala otak aku ialah: "This holiday should be relaxing." Macam-macam perkara yang relaks yang dibentangkan atas paperwork. Malangnya, perkara itu dijalankan di Kuala Terengganu. Ia sama sekali equal dengan tidak berjalan langsung. Pelan pembentangan jadi lakaran jiwa. Orang yang sangat-sangat diperlukan berada jauh dari pandangan kita. Jangankan nak menyentuh rambutnya, suara mereka pun tidak kedengaran. Orang-orang yang boleh membantu membentuk realiti itulah yang kita harapkan, dan mereka tiada. Sick! Idiot box stay idiot. Komunikasi kita diblok lagi. Yang tinggal hanyalah menyambung lakaran jiwa itu di kamar beradu. Tidor!!!! Aku dah malas nak layan perasa-perasa artificial bangkai ini. Sehinggalah datang Ramadhan...............
Ahmad masih meneruskan diksi-diksinya dengan kertas, pen, pencil, ink dan management diary walaupun Ahmad bukanlah terurus sangat. Tak ada PC. "Aku rasa aku nak throw up untuk kali ke 666." Sesi jamming bersama band kesayangan ada la dalam 2 kali selama 2 bulan lebih bercuti. Tak logik bunyinya. List barangan keperluan domestik bertambah, tapi duit tetap berkurang. Software-software yang berkredibiliti tinggi menjalani proses kemaskini, tetapi Ahmad tetap sama, malah semakin backward. Society Ahmad hanyalah bilik kotak yang penuh dengan back-issues. "Aku tak fikir orang diluar sana boleh menerima Ahmad yang sekarang ini. Tolonglah, mereka akan terkejut dengan perbezaan yang radikal ini. Dia orang memang suka benda yang cliche. Dapatkan majalah Mangga dipasaran sekarang dengan gosip terbaru yang hangat lagi sensasi. Mangga tu bukan komik. Perlukan correction." (nota: Ketika ini, Mangga masih memakai nama komik. Ia seperti satu hinaan.) Bookstore dikunjungi beratus-ratus kali. Manusia itu masih boleh bertahan walaupun jalan sekian-sekian itu telah dilalui beratus ribu kali. "Sebab dah takder jalan lain la, bengong!"
Eh! Penulisan ini boleh diterbitkan, bukan? (Saya tersenyum...) Can get money out of it. (Saya melihat realism di sudut yang sukar.) Juga kartun 3 panel tu. (Diterbitkan, tak berbayar...). Kenapalah dulu tak terpikir? Tiba masa untuk ripping someone else's head. Lalu Ahmad berkurung lagi di bilik kotak itu. Karya dihasilkan untuk dapatkan duit. Karya dihasilkan tanpa ketulusan kerana siapa yang pedulikan ketulusan itu? Yang penting, ikut kehendak pasaran yang nak termuntah itu dan kehendak masyarakat. Tiada siapa pedulikan individualism apalagi jika individu itu tidak dikenali. Bukankah sesuatu boleh berubah dan berevolusi ? "Aku takut ianya devolusi dan kita bakal depresi dan kecewa" Pergi mampus, aku mau duit!!!
Dan dia menunggu di sudut itu. Penantian yang menyeksakan. "Jadi anda jelas dengan sistem saya. Tak usah curious, aku tak habis lagi. Seberapa ramai graduasi yang keluar setiap tahun. Kita memang rasa tercabar. Tapi berapa ramaikah yang punya jiwa dan attraction dalam karya kerja mereka? Kalau kau dah ada itu, tak usah risau la.... orang tetap cari kau." Dunia makin mengecilkan oksigennya yang diperlukan ramai orang. You have to pray. God help us!

Jumaat - 27 Dez 2002. 8: 1 1 , aku nak gi sarap!

What We're All About

{Sekitar 2003, ketika masih menuntut di UiTM Machang, saya menulis manifesto ini. Tentang rakan-rakan satu band yang saya kenang kerana kesukaran bersama sebagai satu unit band. Saya muatkan tulisan ini dalam laman web peribadi ketika itu http://www.blynk3n.cjb.net/ yang ketika ini lupus segala isi teks dan grafiknya kerana sering bertukar pelayan digital percuma. Ketika pelayan digital ini lebur dan lupus dari dunia digital, saya menghela nafas panjang sambil berkata, " ....hmm,.... kita dah biasa sangat bermula dengan sifar. Dan kita tak endah langsung dengan kejadian sebegini..." Moralnya, jika belum bersedia dengan pelayan berbayar, paling tidakpun, cubalah selamatkan harta digital di dalam format CD-R. Malangnya, ketika itu, nak mengumpulkan segala harta digital yang bersepah di ruang siber dengan pengakhiran di dalam sebuah CD-R jadi sebuah kerja yang sukar ketika teknologi 'CD burning' belum lagi dibangunkan semua kafe siber. Dan perkataan seperti thumb/flash drive boleh diibaratkan seperti perkataan yang keluar dari genius komputer. Benar sekali...}

Awal 1999, di Kuala Terengganu...

Macam mana perasaan kalau dapat join band yang mana semua benda dari atas sampai ke bawah kau suka dari segi muzikal, line up, attitude, dan segala-galanya? Everything! Tapi benda tu payah nak berlaku...

{Okey, give you some times....}

Ahmad Nazri bukanlah orang yang sempurna untuk kau bawak pergi jamming. Dia tak tahu main instrumen yang biasa ada dalam studio jamming, macam gitar, 4 string, dram ,... mic ? Sikit je la kalau kau nak ajak dia jadi vocalist sebab suara dia pun bukannya kuat sangat. Tak best langsung!!!
Lepas SPM, ketika budak-budak lain sibuk jamming, buat recording demo, join gig, atau sekurang-kurangnya hang out dengan member-member satu band, Ahmad Nazri banyak menghabiskan masa dengar record-record yang dia suka, dan juga sample-sample guitar yang dirakam oleh kawan-kawan dia 2/3 tahun dulu, sekurang-kurangnya dapat la dia men'jahanam'kan sample-sample guitar tu dengan 'dram kayu' yang dia buat sendiri. Takpun 'bluesy' dengan piano kat rumah Hilman Hajijan. Tiada peralatan rakaman audio di rumah Hilman menyebabkan beberapa material yang kononnya menarik tidak dapat di rakam. (nota : Di rumah Hilman pun ada PC tapi versi dia buruk sangat!! Susah nak buat kerja digital editing)
Realitinya, tak ramai yang berminat nak ajak Ahmad Nazri join diorang untuk kerja-kerja yang berkaitan dengan audio + music. ("Hampir sifar,heh!" , Ahmad Nazri.)

Azulaimi Mohamad memecahkan tradisi ni.

Semua ini bermula di Perpustakaan Awam Kuala Terengganu, yang dahulunya jadi tempat Azulaimi, Mat Ros, Bidong, Mizi dan rakan-rakan lain untuk study kalau dia orang rasa sekolah bukanlah tempat yang sesuai secara total untuk menerima pelajaran. "Yeah, break the rules! Cut skool, bebeh!"
Azulaimi mempelawa Ahmad Nazri untuk join sesi jamming dengan beberapa orang rakan (termasuk Mizi), mengambil posisi vokal.

Tapi, kenapa Ahmad Nazri ?

"...sebab member aku tu baser malah nok ngafal lirik. Kalu mung dakper sikit," begitulah lebih kurang apa yang Azulaimi cakap.
"..doh tu mung main mender pulok, " tanya Ahmad Nazri kepada Azulaimi.
Dengan nada yang lemah seribu bicara, Azulaimi menjawab, "Aku .... kembali kepada posisi asal .... main drum. Huh!"
Realitinya, Azulaimi sebenarnya dah letih gila main dram. Apa yang dimimpikan oleh Azulaimi ialah 'tali 6', gitar. Tapi nak buat macam mana ? Itulah kelebihan Azulaimi yang menarik perhatian rakan-rakannya. Ketukan dramnya , bukan petikan gitar. Pada satu pandangan, aku dapat rasakan pemain dram susah dicari, tapi pada satu ketika mereka mungkin beranggapan 'ramai yang boleh main gitar'. Tapi apa yang mereka tahu tentang revolusi ?
Sesi jamming tu bakal berlaku pada Julai 1999, sebelum Azulaimi ke Dungun untuk sambung pelajarannya ke peringkat Matrikulasi.
Ahmad Nazri pada ketika itu tidak dapat apa-apa keputusan untuk menyambung pelajarannya. "Lepak Kampung Nibung laaa.... Boring hampas!!," ... antara rungutan Ahmad Nazri. "Jeles laaa aku , semua orang pegi ke lain , aku sorang-sorang lepak kampung, tak ke bodoh namanya ?" Jadi Ahmad Nazri hanya menunggu masa sebelum sesi jamming tu berlaku. Azulaimi dan Mizi menamakan projek jamming tu sebagai Little Kordine. Aku tak tahu apa makna di sebalik nama itu secara spiritual atau tersirat kerana secara kasarnya ianya bukanlah nama yang bagus pun. Ia tak bermakna apa-apa dan superficial. Azulaimi mengibaratkan ia seperti 'temporary drug', aku memanggilnya 'enigma'. Dan Azuaimi mendapat inspirasi ketika proses yang lebih berat dari urination. "Tak best langsung!!" Tapi aku peduli apa, dia orang nak jamming nak pakai nama apa-apa, itu hal orang. Aku hanya menumpang ruang kreatif.
Akhir Jun 1999, tiba-tiba Ahmad Nazri membawa 2 berita. Berita baik dan berita buruk. "Best la aku dapat sambung belajar ITM 4 haribulan karang", kata Ahmad Nazri, lepas tu dia menyambung... " tapi tak sempat la jamming."
Sebelum sempat Little Kordine nak bernafas, dia orang dah 'mati' dulu.

Damnit!!


{nota: Ahmad Nazri menulis 'cerita' ini semasa zaman opus Little Kordine, band yang dia sertai selepas SPM, selepas beralih dari band 'alternative nation', Marigold. Sepatutnya 'cerita' ini menjadi biografi band di dalam website band yang tak siap terus sampai la sekarang. "Aku letak cerita 'biasa-biasa' ni dalam page ni sebab yang aku ingat time ni la aku jadi darker person. Time ni la aku start kenal Mizi, sebelum Nasir, Mang, Zuang and a few people I always hang out with these days. Aku sepatutnya erase terus cerita ni sebab ia banyak menyakitkan hati aku." Ia menimbulkan persoalan yang payah untuk dijawab, "Why I always become like this and not like that?" sehinggalah seorang rakan yang prihatin memberi jawapan, "Tuhan tak izinkan." Jika berhajatkan sesuatu, minta daripadaNya, usahakan. Kalau sesuatu yang tak dijangka berlaku, anggaplah ia sebagai ketentuan. Carilah hikmah.}

(nota x nota : okay, you know what? menulis tentang diri sendiri kedengaran lame now.... bak kata Peter Gabriel : "And it feels so unnatural to sing your own name" I should have vanish this post.)

preface, prakata

as much as i hate blogspot, let's face it, i could change it into something that i could chew with.

pelannya ialah untuk mengumpul data dalam bentuk kekata, segala jejak saya sepanjang hampir 9 tahun di ruang digital kepada sesuatu yang boleh saya nilaikan tentang diri saya di ruang ini. yang saya pasti, saya selalu jadi 'orang lain' mula saja saya menekan papan kekunci. dan saya banyak buang masa saya di sini. atau cuba menghiburkan hati saya. lara sunggoh!

pelan kedua, ialah untuk merumus kembali segala pengakuan saya di depan papan kekunci ini.

tak sampai seminggu yang lepas, ketika menekan papan kekunci ini,... saya berada di bawah 'hostage'. di gombak, dengan parang. dengan rasa gentar untuk meninggalkan monitor. "this is your life" - Tyler Durden.

pelan ketiga, ialah menulis dengan format 'kaya teks' (rich text), plain dan hampir kepada sebuah bahan bercetak, ie: buku, novel, tanpa grafik, imejan. kecuali satu fakta yang saya sukar sunggoh nak menjadikan sesuatu huruf itu kapital ketika mula perkataan pertama atau untuk nama khas. semua orang pun....

dan semua orang tak peduli pun kewujudan saya di sini. baiklah, baik saya perkenalkan diri saya (patutnya saya perkenalkan diri saya dari mula tadi ibarat permulaan novel Moby Dick, ie: "Call me Ishmael." tetapi, ini tahun ke 9 saya. haruskan saya ulang bicara saya yang sama setiap kali memulakan penulisan. atas logik juga.) baiklah. nama saya Ahmad Nazri, berasal dari Pantai Timur Semenanjung Malaysia. di awal usia internet saya lebih dikenali dengan pseudonym 'Blynk3n', tetapi satu kejadian yang hampir memalukan saya telah menyebabkan saya menggunakan pseudonym 'Blitzenius', sebagai ganti nama untuk karya seni visual saya, seperti kes Jean Giraud dengan nama Moebius-nya. dan selalunya Blitzenius akan jadi nama tengah saya, contoh: Ahmad 'Blitzenius' Nazri. anda boleh cari di Google 2 nama ini 'blynk3n' dan 'blitzenius' untuk melihat segala aktiviti saya yang masih berbaki jejaknya.

rasanya saya senang menulis dalam bahasa ibunda (kalau nak diikutkan bahasa ibunda ialah bahasa tanah tinggi Bukit Besar di Kuala Terengganu sana, juga tempat yang dijejak Megat Panji Alam. akan tetapi kerana marhaen sudah maklum sangat dengan bahasa rasmi Malaysia, jadi saya kena ikut format ini. perhatikan juga beberapa perkataan Inggeris yang tak kunjung tiba maksudnya di dalam bahasa Melayu, atau terlalu panjang penjelasannya, jadi saya italikkan perkataan-perkataan ini untuk memudahkan urusan kita.

anda pernah terfikir tak kita banyak buang masa di sini? lebih-lebih lagi untuk orang yang banyak kerjanya tetapi sedikit hasilnya seperti saya ini? maaf, saya curi masa anda. saya tau anda banyak masa yang terluang.

maaf juga jika saya banyak merepek. (bukan saya seorang saja , kan?)

selepas habis prakata ini, kita akan mulakan dengan segala cerita hari-hari dan cerita yang telah lama berlalu tetapi indah untuk dikenang. kalau tak, takkanlah mereka beria-ia hendak menjadikan Transformers sebagai blockbuster musim panas mereka. saya yang dah bangka ini pun boleh syahdu mengenang kembali era emas mekanikal transformasi jentera itu. ia cool! saya boleh hafal banyak lagu-lagu dari kartun predecessor yang muncul pada zaman yang sama dengannya depan kawan wanita sebagai umpan.

jadi, saya tinggalkan di sini dahulu. beri ruang untuk anda kenalkan diri anda. seperti yang sebut dalam prakata ini, kerja saya banyak. jadi saya perlu kembali kepada kerja saya. assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera.

we got Mastodon covered,….again

for many and counteless times, i took fuck-em-all approach, until i am happy with everything, not you. good, i never been happy. jadi semalam saya bermalam di rumah anak2 saudara saya, i had big talk with their ibunda, since she’s a woman.

"i even had a hard time with an easy type like your bro. but you, hard and reclusive one,…. i dont know what else to say…"
"i like her, since the day one. and i always wanted to like her like the day one. i always feel like i got no time for al these."
"God give us 24 hours a day, all of us. And we feel ,… we never had it enough. To think, i dont even have time to be with kids."
"Me too. Funny, dont you think,… i show up in front of your door, on Saturday. When were the last time,… August?"
"… for love and money, you need to think about it now. You are a damn hard and reclusive one."
"…. dude, you know the last time when i wanted all these. It ruined everything. Jadi saya perlu kukuhkan perkara yang pasti, yang satu ini dahulu."

dan Kak Saliza, art-graduate yang pada usia mudanya ada satu bentuk kepala otak macam saya pada satu masa, made us think. is it about convergence, evolution, devolution or destruction?

ada la sebulan lepas, what i had is devastation. devastator you are.

i got answer from Jonny Rej, one-second who responsible for Mastodon video, "Seabeast". (he did like almost Mastodon video,… ). It’s Moby Dick. and, God, I have to spent much more time on browsing all those Herman Melville hardcopy and remember again that 50’s movie that once appear in tv, in the early 90’s. all that memory i had.

Thanks, Jonny.
While you are at it, can you tell me too about the image of Javanese puppet appeared as black shadow in the video? Is it the idea came after the painted cover image of Leviathan by Paul Romano or you got another story behind it? Being an Asian myself (I come from Malaysia, and we have this shadow puppet thing that derived from Javanese and Siamese puppet show), i would like to know how people outside Asia like you look at this sacred art living in this contemporary art world today.

Many thanks for your time,

Nazri

— Jonathan Rej wrote:

> Hello Nazri,
> Sounds great, I’d love to tell you the details
> behind Seabeast video
> for your magazine! Let me write it up and I’ll
> email it to you soon.
>
> Thanks a lot for the interest!
>
> Jonny
>
>
> On Jun 22, 2007, at 12:54 PM, Blitzenius Nazri
> wrote:
>
> > hi Johnny,
> > I’m Nazri from ROTTW magazine ( Malaysia. I would like to know if you’re not busy and willing to give a story behind Mastodon music video - "Seabeast", like how you and Tom got the idea of the video. Is there any specific style that you guys followed? And also the inspiration on the character design (is that worm-like-mouth creature is resemble Chtullu created by Lovecraft) ? How you guys get to work with Mastodon? Are you and the band know each other before?
> >
> > And also I hope you can provide us the profile picture
> > of Authority Films team (means you and Tom). Is there
> > any new project from Authority Films? Love to know
> > since there’s no news and update on the website.
> >
> > Keep up the good work,
> >
> > Nazri
> >
> > A Nazri Ngah
> > No 6 Jalan Temakul 3, 17/45C,
> > Seksyen 17, 40000, Shah Alam,
> > Selangor, MALAYSIA.
> > mobile: 017-3181794
> > http://blitzenius.deviantart.com
> > http://www.myspace.com/blitzenius
> >
> >
> >
> >
> ______________________________________________________________________

an almost superhuman ability to dodge the zeitgeist

"A call for penance cracks in the hands of a stranger ; rescue me to come back, [while] a call for deliverance [is the ] ghosts in the air that we breath ; watching our every last word… " - Craig B, ‘A Simple Process of Elimination’.

" walaupun tiada kena mengena tapi;

what a coincidence, i’m turning a quarter of century old soon & i’m going mental annnnnnd my bonda is literally going mental around me.

glad to know that i’m not alone in this, ha ha ha!" n. Friday, June 08, 2007 at 7:29 AM

" i guess semua orang ada masalah.

parents aku ok. i have the best parent, walaupun tak kaya. tapi aku ada problem dealing w/ my own, that i think it’s not normal, …. banding dgn orang lain.

aku jadi dengki dengan orang, dengan masa yang diorang ada, rutin diorang, duit diorang, awek diorang…. and then they said, parents diorang berantakan, tak macam parents aku.

diorang nak trade parents dgn aku. "good, now gimme all your money…"

but in the end, it’s better if we start to listening to each other and help each other, except for the fact i got no credit. yang tinggal ialah panggilan kecemasan, …. or the last coin on phone booth, w/ self-tortured voice di akhir track ‘a simple process of elimination’." - yours truly, Friday, June 08, 2007 at 7:54 AM

so the story;
i get into my room looking at my mag work i did for past one year, that is thick as hell,… but it’s the last 5 months that i realized my life went completely out of the norm. i never do a thing about it. i dont know where all the moneys gone, but still i look unstuffed. desire went out with horrible people, see how strong they stand. desire stripped naked in front of me, but she’s with someone else, kissed someone else, make me open the book of Kasner, … in 6 months you’re under my spell and pentagram. unfortunately , blood didnt came with purple. it’s butterfly fall with displeasure. surrounding by moths.

pain ; get used to it.

the next day i cant move my arms, my legs, i cant think anything intelligent, ….

i cant do thing but want to do many thing.

there came logic that this struggle coupled with an almost superhuman ability to dodge the zeitgeist have taken its toll.

there goes my money flow to the drain, looking it’s life ruined.

to evariel, would you like to go back to my kampung, meet my parents as a trade? not then, would you suggest me anyone else? who can drive me not nut? i’m about to move in less than 10 days.

and when we come back, they’ll look onto our eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around the eyes, look into our eyes. .. and with a click of finger, they’re under.

galvatron too they are #2 : kempen banyak membaca sekolah

dulu, semasa perhimpunan sekolah, ada seorang guru yang diberikan ruang untuk menyampaikan ritual kata-katanya.

"sekolah mengadakan kempen membaca buku. yes, you heard it right! ada sebuah buku yang hidup segan mati tak mahu tu yang sentiasa diberi ketika pendaftaran semester baru, bersaiz buku latihan. untuk diisi senarai buku-buku yang anda baca. produktiviti. progressive. mathematical. polyrhythm. tapi tak pernah listnya penuh, dan bertukar ganti. all you need to do girls and boys, isi senarai buku yang anda baca. c'mon! we have competition! there's money rollin'! keep on rotting in the free world!"

ia dibalas dengan tawa kecil. kelakar tengok presentation guru tersebut atau ketawakan diri sendiri sebab sepanjang sekolah, program membaca ini tak diambil endah pun.

bukan nak suruh baca thick text book pun. but, yeah, they're kids. hard to get it what the man told 'em.

dan benar, there's money for 'em who read the most , the lots. there's even award presenting ceremony. how geek us.

tapi sorang pun tak ambil peduli. there's our friend, a chinese. yang fail subjek bahasa melayunya. but i think he speak better terengganu than most of you guys. he didn't look promising.

but he grab the chance, once in his life ke atas podium perhimpunan mingguan sekolah, sebagai pembaca terbanyak (tak pasti jika ada cheat code), but what the hell. he got the money!!

poor us geek guy. we listened to nofx alot and breakfast schmeakfast alot. and nintendo (ketika semua beralih kepada ps versi pertama, atau at least sega).

it's been like,.... 10 years now. saya pernah menang sesuatu untuk sekolah. tempat pertama dan ketiga, in just a week, splashing paint (that's pain with a 't', as well as like.... spam, like spasm w/o an 's' ). tapi saya tak pernah ke podium. dude, keep on rotting....

to conclude, jika puan countess menjadi president kelab buku majalah rock, i'll be her first member.

thanks for reading galvatron number 2.

it'a not easy being bored

Good. How's 2007?

It's been ages since 2007.

Pictures above were taken during NOFX gig at RUUMS, KL last thursday,... where i've been out of cave ,... since a month. I met Maya Suraya,... since last time I was in her radio show, Rock It Her Way, October last year.

There's alots of work i'm working on,.... 2007 started out as a call year, for a start ,.... let see,... jumpa Joshua Davis,... Jason Groves of Shynola, got new company, Zaki whom we shared lots of interest musically and visually. To say,... it's been a revelation throughout one whole year, May 2006 - May 2007. The good thing is, it's not in Terengganu. I like to leave Terengganu as sacred as it should be when I return back there.

Wait for my first appearance in Maya's Alternation radio show,... as i'm going to play some of music that i played at workplace but never manage to surface in commercial radio. Since workpace is ,.... well , cave.

And I'm going to put some entries that I missed to put it here, some interesting thoughts. Let say, everybody want to be a saviour to his/her mankind. I've been reading myself to death too much to this. All phrases like : "Hunger strike. Your record sucks, my ears are all bleeding. " My ayahanda started a words yesterday about me getting marry when i'm not,.... that's very far off place. Plus, i bought a new house near workplace ,... and i'm all broke, but all i wanna do is rock. And I don't even think what I'm going to ask Paul Romano, in my next art writing. Nor even think about next music video writing. Out of my conciousness, I've been to a very strange territory, but my intention is all good.

at least it’s not in Terengganu…. if you know what i mean

I met Maya last Thurday at NOFX gig (tempat saya betul2 sebelah stage, ketika Aaron Albeyta yang mabuk melompat dari monitor, ke stage sebelah kanan, we shoot his bottom). so,… next Thursday might be my 1st time producing this radio show since it has been renamed to Alternation.

more of the same, and no more of the same. That includes "Hive Destruction" in 4 minutes and ten, to make you sleep nicely in the middle of twelve.

no, no, i will destroy your world.
Nailbomb if you still remember.

Joe Kidd mungkin on board, i’m no more busy,… Zaki seems excited. The Locust and Mastodon will be on our list too, as well as Vaselines (the original version of ‘Son Of A Gun’ that Nirvana covered)…

www.traxxfm.net for your local listing.

dan di CM , ketika diberitahu Zuang kedai Andrew telah pindah ke Bangsar (that’s not a good news),… I recieved a call from Hidayah. :)

"Guess who I met at NOFX gig,… you know like, since 1999….?"

p/s: my ‘Neil-Hefty-Batman-theme’-produced, will be airing in every introductory of Maya’s Alternation, …. oh, since last nite!

Commune Cult Conquer The World : A Conversation w/ Jason Groves of Shynola

"That film is terrible..." kata Jason.
"I mean, it should be a film. "

diagram 1:
1. Invitation card for Antenna UK 04. Sunitha ask me to cover Eclectic Method, a VJ trio who did this mix-mash video that I think evry interesting. She want to have me an interview before their workshop on Sunday, unfortunately my mag work, the deadline is deader than dead, and I couldn't help it.
2. Jason Groves during a speech at Antenna UK nite show @ Maison, KL. Kalau anda ke sana malam tu, you'll see a behind-the-scene video of QOTSA mtv - "Go With The Flow". There's an actual stripper, convert to black-white-red, Sin City style.
3. A collection of cards, a giveaway at Antenna, nicely packed in brownish envelope. I love this pack.
4. Antenna t shirt. Also free giveaway.
5. Man, I look so tired. Jason probably know, as his mate, Chris wrote it, a nightmare. Jason and yours truly at afternoon conversation, Rennaisance lobby.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's me and Jason Groves, one fourth of Shynola, team of music video directors, work ranging from Queens of the Stone Age's "Go With The Flow", Blur's "Crazy Beat" & "Good Song", Radiohead's "Pyramid Song", Junior Senior's "Move Your Feet", UNKLE's "Guns Blazing" & "An Eye For An Eye ", ... and many. They helped Hammer & Tong with some visual effect in their debut movie appearance, "Hitchhiker Guide To The Galaxy".

And if you ask me, what film that is so terrible as we talk, .... itu filem Dave McKean, Mirrormask. Sorry to Dave (or Gaiman) fans. Sometimes it's so true. hah!

Previously, few weeks back, I got this email that was sent frequently by JUICE mag, that British Council will had this Antenna UK 04 show on March 17 at Maison, KL. And they will bring together Jason Groves from Shynola. I said it was cool. At least VJ culture thing is not as vomitting as club culture. Then, something hit me. I might write something in my art of music video space i had in the magazine, after months got beaten by writer's block. No, it's not a writer's block. But, they cut my space to half, when I want to talk alot. Giving me half, means everything that is interesting to write about got to shrink. But that Blur or Radiohead or Rapture videos deserve not just half page. If only I had an interview with Jason, then my editor will say "Great! Make it 2 page!" So, as soon as my deadline got deader, I write to Jason, w/o too much hope that Jason will answer it. Because looking at their website, it's like they're not working their ass on it. They might be busy, or travel alot. Or work alot for their full lenght movie in 2009. Karma play a funny thing. I got reply from Jason: "Nice to hear from you. They will have me an interview session morning before the show. You can contact Sunitha from British Council for this matter, or else, you can meet me after the show. Or I just answer your question by email if you can't make it."

Then, I write to Sunitha, the arts manager at BC. Sooner I realize, my human form become weaken by the loadsofwork. I can't handle my email. All I can do is read. I think Chris Harding from Shynola has said something about this experience as 'nightmare', ... bad food, weird working hours.

I got 2 phone calls from BC (one from Sunitha, I swear I heard this Brit woman in her late 30's that sounds 'loaded'.) "Are you going?" Of course I will, be prepare to see me show up in my most unlikely human figure. Sunitha and BC actually never heard about magazine I worked with, probably due to nature of the language we used. But my intention is good. :)

So, I made it at 11 something in the morning. Late actually, but it's good, I give more time and space for this chinese who still want to talk alot with Jason. Sunitha, unlike her full name that is very traditional to her Indian root, didn't look like Indian, not even sound like it. She's in 20's, approachable, nice lady. Oh, yeah, we talk about Tool. My interview with Jason was set in the lobby of Rennaisance hotel, across MTC. I supposed to have Apis, my journalist friend with me, so that I'm not dead... in what i'm going to ask to Jason. but then i'm not prepare a thing. no questions i wrote, no notes from this conversation i took. we're just talk freely about anything starting from Chris Cunnigham.

"Have you meet him?"
"I did. Once."
"Recently, he made a comeback."
"Oh, really?"
"Try watch The Horrors video - 'Sheena Is A Vampire' "

I don't know what move me to have an interview with Jason, talk about almost anything on music video (bukan music video dia je, ... almost anyone, everyone I know when I have my space to write about the art of MTV thing for magazine), but I guess it has to be past 5 years ago, masa aku baru balik ke Terengganu lepas 'hilang' like , a month. I mean that one month has fuel my fire, creative desire that has been blocked. That was dreamless era, as I wrote in my Kubang Parade's Journal year one, I almost got nothing to do in Terengganu. There's a sketch drawing, supposed to be my comic books storyboard, which this kid with a backpack, watch his left and right, and waiting to getaway from small cell. I mean it's a cell. I was in the cell. You got no source for reading digest, comic books, metal videos, .... your record player got broken and most of all, you got no money to buy more music and comic books or graphic tees. The worst, when you want to do something for art sake, you can't do shit. No one to work with. You got no motivation or inspiration. Mobility's off.

September 2001. Masa ni, less we read, but more we boast. So, I decide to, ... run away from home. Bad idea.

November 2001, lepas je balik rumah, the first music video I taped at home that I still like it so much this date, is the one that Shynola did for Radiohead, "Pyramid Song". And it's not their first work for Radiohead. So, I get along with my friends in music back, talk about the music video. "You should check this, it's not just about the song that Yorke sing." That moment, we still have this labor of love for tv, for it's crystal clear view, accesibility, .... and let's say, no YouTube. There is no YouTube. Unfortunately to have this kind of video sharing at the end of 2001, still cost you alot of MB damage. The YouTube thing , however is not a new thing for me. Back in 2002/3, when Macromedia Flash came up with version 6 and you can load your video, .... pain lesser, in about few MBs, I got this idea to put all these music videos collection, all in Flash file, so I dont have to live in misery. Plus, me and Kamal Masrun too working on music video, with Flash, ... it's a fundamental thing, and it's fun. I really wish I could do this again, ... for nothing.

YouTube too is one of many thing I talk with with Jason that evening, 17 March 07. "It's a good source to find all these videos you can never have. I only have Good Song and Move Your Feet up on our website, just because it cost a lot of bandwidth." Great, Jason, when you go back to UK dont forget to put that guitar playing kitten in Stephen Malkmus video.

Late 2003 is my first exposure to Res magazine. Unlike 'I want to kill my boredome so much that it hurts' era in 2001, let say this time I got good connectivity. Apart from IdN, Res is another music video source where I get into alot. A copy of Res mag that was sent to kampung late that year has this special feature on Resfest, a festival dedicated to all music video directors, anything in short motion visual direction. Few months later Resfest is also on the bill of IdN con (unfortunately, not in KL. Please cross the border, Singapore.) This is the moment of breathrough for Shynola when they came up with "Go With The Flow" music video for Queens of The Stone Age, that has been cited by critics as 'revolutionary'. If you watch A Scanner Darkly, a film by Richard Linklater that hired this Rotoscopic style animation, you must have seen it first in "Go With The Flow". I can't even tell a difference between live action and animation, but it's the band that actually act as a band in the video, not an animation.

Maybe reanimated.

But then, even before Frank Miller did Sin City as a full lenght movie, with it's 3 color style, Shynola did it first, with this "Go With the Flow" video. Shynola actually got their inspiration from Sin City comic books. What a turnaround.


diagram 2:
1. Beck as skeleton , losing his head in "E Pro" video.
2. Fly Boy fell in love with a squirell. Homosexuality. Twin tower. Blur's "Good Song".
3. Nintendo 8 bit got a new twist in Junior Senior 's "Move Your Feet".
4. Blur's "Crazy Beat" however is one of very few live action occasion from Shynola.
5. Guerilla marketting in Radiohead's blip. Year 2000. Very ahead of it's time.
6. Sin City fans, rejoice. QOTSA's "Go With The Flow".
7. Thom Yorke flood dream in Radiohead's "Pyramid Song".
8. Wardrum is very unusual in Hayao Miyazaki cinemafest. UNKLE's "Eye For An Eye".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am amazed with that QOTSA video. maybe because i like it to look red. i brought Jason to Hayao Miyazaki territory, because that's how i felt on UNKLE's "Eye For An Eye" video (I watch this 'the making of Eye For An Eye video' at MTV or Channel [V], I cant remember which channel, during my college years circa 2002-2003, at some cafeteria. I was stunned at it. Yeah, I skipped class.) even the visual from Pyramid Song took me deep to this pyramid city down deep in the sea. Close to Antlantis city. Jason , however, during the conversation, is this one guy that's easy to get along with.

Sunitha, afterall noticed that i never wrote a thing during the conversation. "I write it, ... in my head." It's easy when you know the person and his/her works.

maybe that's why i wanted it today. that's why instead of having difficulty due to overloadsofwork, i still wanted it, this conversation, from zero, and end well.

"I'll try to get you Jamie Hewlett in the future..." said Sunitha.
"Oh, really? How about Stanley Donwood?" said I.
"Yeah, that's an idea too..."
"But if you ask me that has to be Peter Saville. He's a legend by now. Way before Vaughn Oliver. I want to see Unknown Pleasure in hi res."

Like I said before, we talk about Joshua Davis (co-incidetally, Tool), like there's never end.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Further reading:
"Of particular interest to those facinated by high minded nerds making pop culture
trash and calling it Art." shynola: website obligation http://www.shynola.com/main.htm
The final screening of Antenna UK on 17 March @ Maison Club KL with special guests Jason Groves (of Shynola, the featured director at the first Antenna UK screening) and Eclectic Method. http://www.britishcouncil.org/malaysia-events-arts-antenna-uk.htm?mtklink=malaysia-events-arts-antenna-uk
"...all you need to know in life is the difference between shit and Shinola." Shynola on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shynola
Shynola @ The Directors Bureau http://www.thedirectorsbureau.com/bio.php?director_id=22&PHPSESSID=ab4b4380d49eef236d2542776152a1e7
"Yes, I've just stopped having nightmares, so I feel ok to talk about it. "Chris Harding: CGI Society http://features.cgsociety.org/story_custom.php?story_id=1072
Vis-Ed Shynola @ XLR8R http://www.xlr8r.com/content.php?uid=3528BCFCBA4BD754F3759A35C63641E0
RES Features : Sound and Vision: Radiohead Reinvents the Music Video by Philip Sherburne http://www.res.com/magazine/articles/soundandvisionradioheadreinventsthemusicvideo_2003-05-23.html
"Why animation?" http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A1159139
The Best Music in Film w/ Chris Harding (Shynola) http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/filmmusic/detail.php?t=d&q=45

pada suatu masa dahulu, tinggal seorang...

semalam i had a great bargain on Journal Aged: 2004 kat PJ. What the hell beli journal tahun 2004 ? It's 2007 now, itupun kau dah terlepas January 1st. The matter of fact is: it's not about the number of the year. As you question yourself, what's the use of resolution on trying to stop dope, when a year later you still on dope.

I remember i keep a journal like it is my own book, i authored. Lots of journals means lotsa books (...and talking crap, loneliness is worse. Yeah, I know. Veruca Salt. Year 1997.) Talking about web journal ( damn blog, the only thing i could reach now...), ever remember the first line of your favourite book and why that made the first line? Then, mine....

"Oh, great. " - from Friendster's No Pity For Kotonmouth Lateral Need To Drown In Flames To Be Free Biatch. 2005

"The worm earth, ant too." from Deviantart's From Our Last Deletation. 2005

"Saya memberitahu Raja Mimpi, because of her, i make a ritual, in Syaaban. " from Yahoo 360's The Morticians. 2005

"I should go back to sleep, eat and thinking about run and hide." from Myspace's Kubang Parade's Journal *extra. 2003

"Artworks above supposed to be featured in the website." from Livejournal's Blitzenius on LJ (or LSD, the better). 2004/5

"Radio buruk tu, guna untuk hantar msg S.O.S di Shah Alam, kod morse." from Virtualfriends' The World Without Computer. 2006

Could be more, but i forgot where i put it, like i'm in possesion something.

to think, sepanjang aku memulakan penulisan, it's not something that very intentional.

thanks, that's a good start.

the money greed and alcohol consuming they’re not

sunday, feb 25 07, 4 hours before 8:30 pm.

"so, what? you expected me to give you the tix just for watching that damn band?"

ok, i get it. i’m at the rock concert with the most un-rock people.
and i dont know how how to rock with this people, party people who
steal away the place they dont deserve who dont know how to shout
"encore!! the more!".

pity ummu, i’m down here close to the band and the flames, while she
have a sit, up there, far off. i wish we could trade place. or together
, the better. so that she could count how much we missed. the encore!

and Himang going , a minute after i brought that ’sad’ news : "No! No! Noooo! I deserve one (place in the concert). U funky New Order Depeche Mode freak!"

You know what Himang, they did opening for Depeche Mode. And last nite, they got New Order played before the show. Even NIN.

The Day i Stop Went To Museum_Like_Gallery For Some Rivals Meetup

"I think I bargained more than you spent for Muse concert when I decide to meet the arm / hand of Tool, in insecurity. I broke now."

Itu baru sikit, to have more is to bargain more. Time, actually. The gold.

diagram 1:
1. Joshua Davis and his arm of Tool, MTC, Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for signing session.
2. The speaker list. Kalau anda teliti, Joshua Davis tidak meletakkan tajuk forum berbanding speaker yang lain. He talk freely, drive by his Mac.
3. "Tags out", pesan Aneem. The black bag, conference tag + cube note book with Joshua Davis design on the cover.
4. 'Designer edition' booth outside conference hall.

On January 12, Countess Aneem of n0tangel as she used to be in 2002 brought me some bad news. I'm not going to have my place at MTC. It's sold. The other way is to double my tix price, when I'm not even going to use the rest of the half. Joshua Davis. That's all. It sounds like the design con I'm going to sit tommorow won't give me a damn.

So, I sleep, until the end of the con. The only thing that matter now is to meet the hand at the end of the con. It start at 9 am. Its only at 3.45pm, baru Joshua give his presentation. So, I thought, OK, I show up at the end of the con, so I wont ache. Plus I got work to do back at the office, ketika "syaitan nak berjoget, " as my employer said, reffering the party people after the end of Butters & Friends gig. n0tangel now dealing with blitzenius, that used to be titled as blynk3n in his sporadic human age, dehumanize recently. Urgh,... aku tak tidur pun sejak semalam.

I wake at 10am, bila telefon berbunyi, sejam selepas Massive Con berlangsung. From Aneem. "Kau kat mana?" "Kat ofis... " "Datang cepat! Aku dah reserve seat kau!" "Ouh,.... gimme one hour?"

I remember aku tak shave semalam, now all the fur's gone. Tiba-tiba. And I almost broke, when I ask Aneem to get me a place. And now I'm not sure.

Aku sampai dalam pukul 1 tengahari ketika speaker sedang rehat,... and I saw 123Klan dari France sedang demo graffiti. I read about them once in Ish mag di kampung. That's the only thing about 123Klan I could recall sejak di kampung, Terengganu tiada kedai yang simpan periodical design. If only they could, aku kena bayar dengan harga yang mahal. Lebih mahal berbanding ibu kota. And I remember it always depressing about berada di kampung, terutama when the lights out and you walk alone, aimless. Anyway, 123Klan, they're great. Really.

There's a lot of 'designer edition' booth at MTC. I met Lefty from Gilamon comics, booth 84cube yang dijaga Nab sorang,... kesian....

"Tadi ada mamat ni,...." Aneem ketika sampai kat aku. Belum habis cakap dia terus bagi Massice Con bag with the tag. "Tags out, eh?" pesan dia. "Hah! Apasal mamat tadi?" "Dia tunggu awal pagi tadi, nak masuk. Abis, aku dah reservekan kau. " "Semalam kau cakap tak ada la. So, I had to think wise.... sebelum aku datang." Tapi aku dah bayar seminggu dulu....

Finally aku kat dalam dewan MTC tu, at 2pm selepas event dah separuh jalan, for the next presentation by 123Klan (and my first for me, pity.... aku terlepas Kustaa Saksi). Depan sekali, dan bila berada di depan aku tak tau siapa audien di belakang, dan orang-orang penting yang lain. Di luar sedar aku, Sarah is here too. Now, the wife. Wanting to be inspiring.

The con turn out to be a comedy club with the additional 'the history of VJ culture regurgitated' by Wieden+ Kennedy. I couldn't help but to sleep, like watching cinema with complimentary passes. But at the end of Wieden, aku terjaga and people geek out. Dengan selamba Joshua lalu depan aku dengan Mac-nya. Dia terus plugkan Mac. Di layar, terpapar wajah 10 'saudara perempuan'nya. Funny guy. (Kalau anda ke sana, anda faham maksud saya). Tiada formaliti dalam persembahan Joshua. Penuh explicity. He is himself, jeans and tee guys without covering his tattoos, two part on both hands and one between his shoulder and his neck. The exact like I see in my copy of Wired. Tiada topik oleh Joshua tertulis di dalam speaker list , tidak seperti speaker lain. He talk freely about his work. Dia bermula dengan sejarah pra komputernya. Ketika masih menampal kerja manual di fridge, dan memanggang kertas di dalam ketuhar oven. Sangat medieval. Dia tak mengambil masa yang lama sebelum membawa audien ke subjek seterusnya, Tool the band. (Good thing, not many here are familiar with Tool. Jarang sekali di tanahair seni Tool dibawa perbincangannya di tempat sebegini. Again, kalau anda ke sana, anda faham maksud saya...) Ada kepentingan kenapa Joshua membawa Tool sebagai subjek terawal dan paling utama, walaupun ramai di dalam dewan MTC ini lebih maklum Joshua sebagai pembuka jalan komuniti seni grafik dalam talian melalui Praystation dan Dreamlessnya. Ada vulgarism bila membincangkan tentang Tool, .... Tool toilet , got me? The pigs at the end of email? Going out for gun shooting with client? Ada video Tool sedang rehearsal dari kamera peribadi Joshua. Tapi yang paling penting bagaimana seni Swarm untuk Tool dibina. Of course, Joshua pernah tulis perkara ini dalam diarinya tapi anda perlu lihat reaksi Adam Jones ketika Joshua Davis menunjukkan hasil kerjanya kepada Adam.

Joshua Davis : "I've sent you an email. Have you seen my work I sent?"
Adam Jones : "I play guitar...."
Joshua Davis : Adam, don't you get me? I've sent you an email."
Adam Jones : "Josh, I play guitar...."

In the end, jawapan terakhir dari Adam Jones ( I wont write it here, tunggu artikel aku pasal Joshua in the next issue of ROTTW magazine) sangat bermakna untuk semua yang hadir,..... tanpa meninggalkan sense of humour yang anda pada Joshua. Joshua kemudian menyambung dengan subjek BMW, client besar berbanding Tool, client sukar. Tapi approachnya tetap sama dengan Tool.

diagram 2: 1. 'Becoming Tool'. 2nd topic by Joshua after a lil' bit history of his medieval age of art. 2. As you can see here, Justin Chancelor, the bass player for Tool. Joshua ada tunjuk video Tool rehearsal sebelum recording 10,000 Days. Bila ditanya tentang Tool, few audience saja yang nodding on the subject. It shows that Tool hanya dimiliki oleh sedikit telinga yang custom sahaja for their music, dalam senarai artist/designer yang hadir. So, that day, it's a revelation.... 3. Joshua menjawab soalan ...... si Sarah Joan. 4. Signature terpanjang+time-cost Joshua on, my mag hari tu.

diagram 3:
1. Designer card, giveaway Joshua hari tu.
2. Design Joshua untuk Adam Jones, rasanya tak diguna pakai oleh Tool. Kerja peribadi. Diterbitkan kembali oleh Wired.
3. Intro Flash Swarm Joshua dalam website Tool. Kata Joshua, dalam satu pixel animasi itu ada link ke website rahsia,.... hehe,... cari sendiri.

People wouldn't have thought how this punk by the name Joshua Davis could change the world. Not just change, tapi mempengaruhi sebahagian besar komuniti artis web. Ataupun yang asalnya bukan web-savvy dan terlalu konvensional tapi turut terikut gelombang dalam talian. On the other side, he like said to people: You have to. You can not to not to have to. Atau anda teringgal di belakang. Tapi tahun pertama sobriety bagi Joshua bukanlah sesuatu yang berinspirasi. Anda perlu merasa sakitnya, atau bergantung pada magis. Dan selalunya berat kepada sakit.

Sesi Joshua berakhir. Audien diminta membuka soalan kepada speaker-speaker ini. Tahap arrogant artis dan designer tanahair, dengan cina-cina sekali memang teruk kerana tiada soalan ditanya (ataupun mereka sudah tulis di atas kertas,... terus kepada pengerusi). Lalu saya nampak Sarah ke depan podium untuk soalan tunggal dari Malaysia. Pathetic.... Saya melihat Sarah dengan wajah yang letih seperti 'hidup ini untuk berlari' dan juga cemburu.... OK, I kid... Dan Joshua yang membalas soalan si Sarah tu walau ketika itu Joshua sedang plug out Macnya. Dan ketika signing session, sempat lagi si Sarah menyerahkan designer card dengan domainnya kepada Joshua. Damn kau, Sarah , I hate you,.... haha. Ok, I had some bad memories here upon our internet age. Dah lama sangat sebenarnya.

I got my Wired signed (signature terpanjang banding dengan orang lan, berpeluh orang lain menunggu). Snap his 'arm of Tool' photo. Shake hands. Jumpa Aneem + Muid Latif for leaving. Jumpa Abang Rom kat luar Zouk like Butters gig is nothing. Ke KLCC in starving. Then back to work at the office.

And I think I broke. Aku dah kalah. (dikalahkan, that's the word. Belum menyerah. Joshua pernah homeless, dan aku tak tau dalam kronologi hidupnya, aku dalam fasa mana).

But I don't see any bad sign. Some people, I adore them dalam bentuk sttill gambar sahaja. Dan ia lebih baik begitu, kerana saya bertanya sendiri, adakah kerana terlalu menuntut perkara yang tak pasti ini, could make my top priority get better? I don't know. Fate sometimes could happen in a very deserted place. Mungkin ditempat yang paling kau benci.

Kerja dan ruang kreatif aku makin bertambah, tapi masa aku tak bertambah jugak. Seperti headhunter, aku mengumpul tengkorak-tengkorak ini. Orang di luar sana mula hilang harapan terutama orang yang tak faham langsung perihal 'tanggungjawab sebenar'.

Seminggu selepas itu aku balik ke rumah , Shah Alam. Yang penuh dengan party people. Yang menutup pintu bilik untuk 'urusan peribadi' sedang aku perlu guna komputer, untuk teruskan kerja aku.

I'm old and bored and they think they're not.

diagram 4:
1. Adam : "Josh, I play guitar..." Jangan jadikan meja makan KLCC sebagai workstation. With few friends from Rantai event.
2. Supernab yang kena jaga booth 84cube sorang2.
3. 'The catalyst'. Dulu kan sebelum internet explosion, Joshua Davis have taught us a thing or two. Buat domain sendiri, design flash sendiri, promote sendiri, jadi diri sendiri, Dreamless, et al,..... sehinggalah MySpace. With Aneem of n0tangel, Ahmad Nazri previously subdomained blynk3n, Muid Latif who wrote all those local designer online artifact in his Digitalmalaya.com page, and a friend.
4. 123Klan duo in action. Graffitying...
and lastly you see the detail on the back of Joshua designer card.

********************************************************

Esoknya, saya menyanyikan lagu "Ressurection" dengan growl sebenar Mark Hunter, sedang semalam saya senyap sahaja.

Saya menakutkan seorang perempuan. Of course la terkejut, baru terpandang wajah semalam, lepas itu kena mendengar suara jeritan metal lelaki ini seperti ada masalah dengan awek. Dah la dalam satu rumah yang melayan Fergie, si lelaki ini paling lain airplaynya.

"Awak takutkan perkara yang tak logik pada pemikiran saya. Jeritan saya... yang menyanyi. Awak tak perasan switch Sinatranya?"

Yang peliknya, perempuan itu tak takut pula berada di dalam satu kumpulan lelaki di tempat tertutup. Dia sorang je perempuan! Urgh! Scare me some more!

********************************************************

I remember I cut art school, for the sake of computer-lab and library. And that's at Machang, Kelantan. Susah juga nak mempersoalkan sebab aku sorang saja yang eager at those thing, selain Kamal Masrun, seorang rakan sebilik yang kuat dipengaruh, cuma he made it to his final year in textile. I'm not sebab aku kena berdepan dengan logam lembut, which again, I'm not. So, I failed and I was blessed by it.

Dekat Shah Alam, 7 or 8 eight yrs ago, lagi teruk. Komuniti 'dreamless' baru saja berakar. Orang-orang yang dikenali di dalam negara boleh dibilang dengan jari. Few people I connected online adalah pengguna, sebagaimana berjuta-juta pembeli perkakasan komputer lain di dunia. They surrendered and executed in the end, kerana mereka tidak mencapai tahap manipulator atau provocateur. (Read: Rantai event review in KLue magazine, Jan 2007 to see how shallow the thought people could come across, because the fact we think we never live until 2007. kesian...) Since there's not many people out there at the time share the same vision (I see hatred in them, really), I pull it off and balik kampung. Better, I share the Flash gig with Mat Yoe. I stumble upon his Farside book at his bonda's home, Chendering, makan nasik dengan sambal ikan bilis dan petai. Go to work at 4pm, and back at 7 or 8 am,.... and never sleep at all. Recieved Spawn comic books sent by mail by Sal Abbinanti, because there's no comic bookstore at Terengganu and that's the only way. Sub-domain is up again... and in a sudden, di Kuala Lumpur, 'dreamless' community is growing in large scale, farther than I had a year ago. Late. Like a line from Damon Albarn on people started to becoming zombie (anti-me, superior and selfish bastard) in this digital age: "These are the seeds of the future, aren't they? You need to identify them." (...reffering the scene from Dawn of the Dead...)

"I'm much more at home with Daffy Duck than I am with a real person. But the whole zombie thing is an obsession of mine, " - Jamie Hewlett

'Dreamless' community sort of growing in this age when SEA got bummed by an earthquake in the digital channel, still. And you can't help when superior is my language now. It stopped me from drink drug. I know you hate it that way because I want you to hate me that way (and because I don't want you to love me as a dork).

********************************************************

"Awak dah tengok Singles?"
"No. Why?"
"Masa gig Alice In Chains, I had to scream this way to pick you up. Tak dapat. It only happen bila dah abis gig,kat news stand, outside. Baru saya ada suara. Hmmm,...."

Coming this new year (it just a number anyway, we're ancient...), with few things I picked from last year (but you), the only thing left, to fit at home, is the Chef while I'm writing code.

That's just the beginning. My first year. I can't tell the differences between consult and insult when I deserted.

Mat Yoe is now nowhere in Kuantan/Kuala Terengganu, dah lama putus tunang. Still Writing the code.
Kamal Masrun now reside in Puchong, still writing the code, some paperwork and music practice.
Malik has writing some finest vocal-free song in his basement, Bandar Tasik Selatan.

"The Barely Controlled Chaos of Joshua Davis" by Scott Kisrner wired 14.03, 2006
IdN 2002 Fresh Conference leaflet, Singapore, April 2002 (left with none, tak boleh cut school sebab kena approve good result, end up 5 years sacrifice of fresh blood)
"Vai Toma No Cú" - Nailbomb (Alex Newport/Max Cavalera), 1994
"Bone Machine" - The Pixies (Black Francis) 1987
Davis, Joshua (2002-07-24). Flash to the Core: An Interactive Sketchbook. New Riders Publishing. ISBN 0735712883.
Issue 100. K10k.net (2001-01-01). Retrieved on 2006-07-07.
'Love story of color' book sent by Jemma Hostetler (née Gura) of Prate (who collaborate with Joshua in Flash To The Core book).
TOOL "Swarm" intro. Retrieved on 2006-07-10.

things we missed past 3/4 years:
PixelSurgeon, BD4D, kaliber10thousand, pixelcore, razorart, f.ix,...