better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self

i've been doing this religiously for 3 years since. cuma bila saya sibuk kembali dengan kerja journalism saya, maka saya tak punya masa langsung dengan keinginan yang satu ini which is cook job at the kitchen. bila dah masuk 'midlife crisis' (kah kah kah) ni, it becomes common sense of living. well, this thing at least keeps me safe and sound at home. keluarga saya pulak has been into food industry (laksa making, to specify) for ages, seems like i can't runaway from it.



well, our dinner for tonite, lepas tu kita boleh sambung on drawing, on weekend. that's what you do kalau hujung minggu tak ada gig terhebat di dunia mahupun anda tak ada keperluan untuk dibeli seperti naskah terbaru IdN. anda juga tidak keluar berpacaran. anda tidak ada ritual date. most of the time anda di wash room, anda bercakap sendiri, seolah-olah anda bercakap dengan dia. ia jadi latihan harian.

however, dah ditakdirkan i got this gift, and i deliberately succumb myself into world of visual art. it's just, i always fell into this state of failed tortured artist who always keep a coma diary in his mind. girlfriend thinks she never work things out for me so she left.

dalam kesibukan hari ini, i spent myself at home on weekend, bila rakan lain keluar berpeleseran atau punya masa kualiti dengan isteri tersayang. i guess i really did have time. but, it still didn't move my hands to draw a single line. i've been curse for past few months. i think like im crying. stabbing myself everyday. however, i tried. so hard i tried. (itu pun lepas beberapa kali sesi terapi yg tak boleh pakai dengan limpahan substance.)



solution dia mudah bukan? berhenti berperang dengan dinding.

thanks phynaz, fez and bristol. this is for you guys. i've been working on daily basis since.

p/s : nigella is sex on the kitchen.