Meeting Maya

"I am the one who make the lousy msg every thursday night."
"Yeah, Navsta told me you're around here."
Really? Damn! I'm hanging around here for hours like a jerk, just to wait for this guilty pleasure to come. I just eat chickn. No, really.

I finally met Maya Suraya, the voice behind the deck player at TraxxFM, who grip me tight on radio again since last March. It's beyond my imagination.

She's a nice girl. Young. Hype. Delectable. Heh! Eccentric. Plus, the mind. Someone you wanna be with when you're snuck in boredome too long. Someone who you want to talk to. Someone who got to be.

Years ago, I was just a listener. I never thought about to tell the radio to play something something. The last 8 years I know I had to rely on their knowledge to play the record on air, because my musical literate book never that thick as them. Plus, they're good. And I know they never play anything ridicule to crucify our musical fascist. And I was in the band. But bad thing happen. Rock radio folded.

As I came across a journey of seeking decent airplay, it turn out that I found many things I enjoy to listen but didn't surface on the radio. Too many things. And I'm feeling old. By this means, can you figure out how many tracks I wrote in my book, the song titles, the bands, how many record I bought, burnt in a year, from year to year? And how many bands that fuel my desire to make it as national anthem but didn't happen because our popular culture's stinking? "I'm not a fan." You hiss. How many times your favourite song rising up your vengeful feeling upon someone who dump you, the one you killed? Cannibal Corpse. How many times memories hit you with rhythm, in a sudden become a torment into this heart? House of flames, river blood.

"They always makes me feel like London is near. The soccer year."

In the end, meeting Maya is my visceral pleasure, not guilty. We talk alot about Blur, Faith No More, Mr. Bungle,... Brujeria, Alice In Chains.... everything musical I enjoy listened. Conversation stimulating , definitely. It just the noise caught us in deaf. And I miss to talk more about Depeche Mode. The Pixies. But the point is, we talk alot,.... just because the noise that ruined.

Sometimes I can't believe that I've gone this far with the voice (she's a voice talent for animation, if your ear in high fidelity.) I always wonder what if,.... I never reclaim my designer chair back. Sometimes I think I rather let the voice remain behind the deck, unsolved and mystery so that I could appreciate more, curious for more upon who is who. And the song she/he play is always the answer. And never I talk about radio to others too much since years. Yeah, this thing really shed tears , remembering juvenille, remind us someone who were with you, who together fight for this bitter life. Who recently got married. Who recently sacking me out of the band , in silence. Who always use song title or band name as a pick up line just because I'm aching when talk about feeling, love, heart and the deepest.

I always wonder what if I'm still an industrial worker. Then this box of sound will always become thing I desire. And when it's folded again, your life's end and you wont begging for more, turning into iPod. The voice tearing your heart everyday. Body full of scratch. Because now the revenge you have to suffer is heavier.

Before we left, she offer me something. A space. It drive me nuts now. Because I feel like; life of nothing won't motivate a moving score, something I lack because I've been burden with nothingness. You know it.

But then,... awak tahu awak tertanam di dalam lubang yang sangat dalam. Anda perlu mengais, setiap hari. Sehingga ada ruang. Yes, you have to seek for it. All the time. You can't just wait.